2012 Doomsday Survival Kit
November 13th 2011 20:24
I was looking at what some folks call essential. Surely you would only put the essentials in your 21 December 2012 doomsday survival kit:
1) One box of extra large magnum condoms (sounds like wishful thinking…)
2) A signed photo of Anthony Michael Hall (hey, this wasn’t on my list)
3) A catapult and some ammunition (Say what? You gonna do some pumpkin chunking?)
4) Zombie repellant (OK, so I added this one)
5) Booze and lots of it
6) A box of live scorpions. (On those survival shows they eat scorpions. When thieves come for you, offer to share your scorpions. Then show them, you weren’t kidding)
7) A spam, Vegemite and blood orange fruit cake (no one living wants this, and anyone dead–like zombies–fear it’s power. Yeah, it’s all yours.)
8) Any of Bill O’Reilly’s books. (They can be used as kindling to start fires and since they have been untouched by human hands, they are sanitary and can be used to bind wounds. They don’t really make serviceable toilet paper but desperate times call for desperate measures)
9) Twinkies (Like cockroaches, it is rumored they can survive a nuclear holocaust)
10) Black box (Just the box. If we go away, future generations of lizard people will find it and marvel)
11) Bear spray (you can never have enough deodorant for bears )
12) Doughnuts and poptarts (Thank God I don’t have to claim this one. It’s from somebody’s hurricane disaster kit)
13) Green Beetle Gear (Green beetles are crunchy)
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