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Doomsday Lemming Lovers Embrace Their Fate

January 19th 2012 00:59

A Fictional 2012 Doomsday Prediction

And it shall come to pass, the Internet pranksters in their thousands shall contrive to sign up on dozens, or hundreds or even thousands of websites, for the soul purposes of deliberately violating the terms of agreement and being banned from the site when December 2012 comes.


These idiots, bored by the certain knowledge that absolutely nothing will happen on 21 December 2012 are determined to make something happen on that date. To that end, each of them will deliberately violate the terms of agreement to just one website on the 1 December 2012, 10 sites on 10 December 2012 and then finally 20 websites on 20 December 2012. The aim is to make web site owners, blog platform managers and everyone in authority on the internet think that their own personal apocalypse has arrived.
The imbeciles who orchestrate this campaign will almost immediately, after violating enough of the terms of service of various blogs and websites, regret their actions. Only now do they realize the true power of the dark side of the farce. The pranksters were foolish and careless enough to put some websites they actually cared about into the mix. Suddenly they were locked out of months, years and even decades of correspondence and pictures with no reprieve.
The web masters who are victimized by this mass violation of their sacred spaces, noticed that not that many people actually got themselves locked out of the systems. Out of the thousands who attempted to participate in getting themselves kicked out only hundreds actually got it done. Some did not realize what the they really had to do to be banned from a website. The pictures and comments they posted were not quite distasteful enough. The multiple logins they created to websites that only allowed a single login were so different that the website software did not catch on to the violations.

There was another flood of defections that almost made many a web maven wet his pants. And that was when thousands of patrons closed out their web accounts in a quiet, orderly and dignified way. On top of the idiot lemmings who were trying to attempt cyber suicide, legitimate defections in the thousands seemed almost too much to bear.
But cooler heads at the various web franchises prevailed. It was finally noticed that most of the thousands of defectors where closing accounts that had been dormant for a year or more. The accounts had been scheduled for garbage collection anyway. No harm done. And so, once again, the end of the world was all sound and fury, as the bard said, signifying nothing.

***

Digital Death
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