Eat Your Dog and Save the Earth
December 23rd 2009 00:07
In some cultures a little hair of the dog is considered a delicacy. It turns out that the environmentalists have taken out their carbon calculators again and they figure your dog is worse for the environment than your SUV.
Does it occur to you that environmental types don't like ANYTHING you do? Maybe they just want you do die? Well at least we have a government that knows how to make that happen. Public option. Can you say that?
But I digress, it turns out that because your evil, evil dog eats meat it is killing the earth.
If simply being a carnivore is killing the planet then are they arguing that all killer whales, lions tigers and wolves should be wiped out? Well no. Only the pet killer whales are evil. The ones in the wild are not.
I wonder how the planet manages to survive polar bears. Oh, I remember, natural processes like eating meat are okay unless man is in the mix.
Grandma, it's you they don't like. And you little dog too. Be Red and Expert. Be a good little communist or they are coming for your freaking dog.
The Capitalist Manifesto
The Union of the Socialist States of America
Thank God they have an ornament depicting Chairman Mao on the White House Christmas tree. I greatly feared that there would be no one left to champion the ideals of brutal communist dictator responsible for the death of millions in the president's inner circle. Good Heavens, we can't have that.
For those of you who are true believers I have your solution. You can't eat meat because bovine flatulence is killing the earth. But now your dog is evil. What to do? Tell you want, I will grant you absolution by the powers of St Karl Marx, and you may put Fido on a rotisserie and roast him to a crackly crunch and chow down. Then by the grace dispensed by Trotsky, Che Guevara and Stalin, you may once again go meatless and declare yourself a Vegetarian. May the blessings of Chairman Mao be with as you celebrate the Winter Solstice.
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