Grits and other Urban Legends
May 30th 2009 14:43
Did you ever make up something colorful for the "civilians" just for the hell of it? Being that I am from the south I have on occasion, told my northern friends about the care and feeding of grits. I told them that grits come from a grit tree. You see, I said, a grit is about the size of a grapefruit. Once they dry out you hit them with a sledge hammer and they shatter into a a million pieces and that's how they make grits!
So much more colorful than the true recipe which involves lye and hominy. When you are talking about how they really make grits the first thing you have to do is tell people what hominy is. Namely bleached corn. And when they have a spoonful of the stuff in their mouths, telling them that lye, known eater of human flesh, was used to make this product can be a mite unsettling. But to ease their minds you let them know that lye is also used to make common household products. Like soap. Yeah, they will want another spoonful right about then.
Never put sugar on your grits. It shows you up to be an effete and a rank amateur. Salt, pepper, and butter are acceptable and if you feel you really must, you can put some God awful nonsense like cheese in it. Just don't expect me to eat cheese Grits. Might as well put ketchup on it!
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