Perilous PEETA Prognostications and Predictions for 2012
December 31st 2011 14:10
A frivolous prediction concerning a fictitious organization named PEETA which stands for People Eating Tasty Animals.
Paradoxically enough, PEETA people hated fur. Perhaps they hated it because it was not edible. In any case, PEETA often picketed, complained about and boycotted any of the rich and famous who were caught in public wearing fur.
Well one day some fur wearing folks decided to get back at PEETA. They filmed animals being slaughtered for fur and took great pains to show the meat not being eaten, but rather being thrown away in the trash. Throwing away perfectly good meat was sacrilege to PEETA. About the only thing they detested more than wearing non-edible fur was seeing perfectly good meat thrown away.
The anti-PEETA folks were from an organization called the People’s Pork Protectorate or the PPP. The PPP took even more gory videos of animals being killed for fur and amped up the sounds of animals screaming in pain as they were put through more and more horrific torture.
These videos were displayed on unhackable foreign websites over and over. Embedded in the films were subtle clues to places in America where the PPP claimed to be doing their dastardly deeds. The clues were embedded in such away as to tempt people who had too much time on their hands and who thought themselves to be the smartest persons in the room to use their wits to uncover the clues and report their findings to the authorities. Time and time again, local police and the FBI stormed into some stronghold or fortress hoping to catch animal abusers in the act, only to find that at some opportune movement, the floors of the buildings they entered were just a flimsy façade that could be weakened by remote control. Beneath the floors was mixture of pig blood, pig urine and pig poop. There was not enough to kill—except that one cop who panicked and almost drowned himself as he flailed around and screamed his lungs out.
After about the fifth time this happened, even the feds weren’t dumb enough to fall for this crap any more. On the sixth report, they authorities rounded up the members of PEETA and put them all in prison on a trumped up criminal conspiracy charges. They figured PEETA was humiliating the law on purpose. There was no trial. The government didn’t need a trial when they claimed terrorism was involved.
PEETA went underground and on the lamb, so to speak. They pursued the People’s Pork Protectorate with a vengeance. The PPP knew that PEETA would catch them eventually so they made sure to leave a tricky and even dangerous trail that would fool the PEETA people to once again marvel at their own cleverness at having found the scent. PPP sprung the trap in the midst of an FBI convention. The conventioneers were discussing how certain crank groups had conspired over the years to make them look foolish. The federal cops beat the crap out of the PEETA partisans then arrested them for resisting arrest. More PEETA terrorists to be imprisoned without trial—citizenship was no longer a bar to tyranny. Terrorisms trumps all.
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