President Newt: Adulterer in Chief
May 14th 2011 01:41
In my view, since Newt Gingrich has cheated on his first two wives, it is almost a statistical certainty that he will cheat on the 3rd. It is only a matter of time. So the betting pool should be on when. Inauguration Day? A little before the State Of the Union speech? Or has he already done the deed?
Candidate Newt says he got on his knees and prayed about his past indiscretions. Let’s see, how did that prayer go?
Dear Lord, please the next one be a Hottie. Let her have long flowing hair, legs down to there, and most of all. I would be most thankful Oh Lord, if….,well…, we’re not talking cherries or even apples. Make them cantaloupes or even watermelons Sweet Lord!
But let’s be kind. The man says he’s reformed. The actual prayer might be much simpler. Blondes. Ah men.
***
But, you may well, ask, aren’t I getting a little ahead of myself. Does Newt have the stones to occupy the high and mighty throne of the Adulterer in Chief, vacant since President Bubba left the scene?
Think of it this way. Newt Gingrich has to win the nomination of the republican party. Newt is the most honest, moral, decent and loyal republican in the country. After all, Newt Gingrich has only cheated on 2 out of this last 3 wives and may well be actively seeking out opportunities to cheat on a 3rd.
Just like Bill Clinton, Newt knows that being President of the United States is a virtual skank magnet, and Newt might well want his share. So vote for Newt Gingrich so he can get laid!!!
***
Perhaps we should abolish the republican party. We could replace it with the Insane Klown Posse.
Sarah Palin could play the part of the Mad Queen (Off with his head!).
Donald Trump could be the Bankrupt Klown Prince.
Newt Gingrich could play the part of the Village Idiot or Perhaps the Court Fool.
Rush Limbaugh could be Minister of Rude Noises and Glenn Beck could be the Secretary of Cheese.
If Insane Klown Posse is already taken the neo-cons could go out to sea on a Ship of Fools, or draw up the articles of the Confederacy of Dunces. And if all else fails, the Parliament of Whores is surely just waiting for them.
***
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Why wonder whether some politician is going to screw you when you could vote for Newt Gingrich and be sure!*#!!!